Comedian, writer & Filmmaker

Port Merger – 8th February 2010

I’m going through the bins behind Alberton, to find the inside word on the Port Adelaide merger. As it stands, the Magpies in the SANFL and the Power in the AFL want to merge to help each other out, which seems to me to be like getting a little dog with no front legs and a big dog with no back legs and tying them together. Sure, you’ve got a pretty impressive 2 headed dog, but it’s still going to have trouble running a footy club.

Last week at AAMI stadium, a representative from each of the other 8 SANFL clubs got together, breaking the Power’s previous attendance record, and it looks like they might block the merger.

And as much as it hurts my soul to say this, we can’t let either Port die. Life’s not as fun without the things we love to hate. Star Wars needs Darth Vader. Australia needs Victorians. A wedding needs a groom. Although not necessarily anymore – and more Power to the sisters.

In fact Power to the sisters is a great idea. The other SANFL clubs should let the merger happen, but impose some restrictions. Firstly, both clubs should be re-named Port Flower. Change their uniforms to the snuggie and make it a rule that before they can kick a goal, every Port player has to tongue kiss a team mate.

But imagine a a world without the Maggies and the Power. It might sound nice, but if they’re not following Port, there’s a chance they might start following YOUR team, and that’s a future nobody wants.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.