Comedian, writer & Filmmaker

iPad – 28th January 2010

Attention anyone who just bought an iPhone. Just when you thought you were on the bleeding edge of technology, pppttthhhtttt. Apple has superseded your cool with something called the iPad.

If a laptop, and iPhone and a picture frame had a 3 way and had a baby, this would be it. Some of the major new features are the fact that it has a 10 hour battery and you can read books on it, which is amazing news until you realise that actual books are smaller and never run out of battery.

You might say “but what if I want to read 3 different books at once?” and to you I say “when was the last time you actually read one book? Especially one that didn’t have tabs to pull to make the cow jump over the moon?”

Regardless, Apple will still sell millions of these things because it appeals to the basest of all human desires – checking facebook on the toilet. Which uncovers some new dangers. While you’re reading self help books on the toilet for 10 hours at a time, where will the rest of your household poop?

Perhaps rugby players aren’t filthy animals after all, maybe they’re tech savvy word nerds. Well, there’s about as much chance of that as there is of me not going straight out and buying one. I’m going to need bigger pockets.

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