Comedian, writer & Filmmaker

Australia's Got Talent Auditions – 11th February 2010

The line for the Australia’s Got Talent auditions goes back so far, I think it ends in 1984.

There are singers and dancers, but the ones I love the most are the crazies, the people who have managed to go their whole life without anyone telling them they’re useless. You know who I’m talking about; unco dancers, tone deaf singers, Danni Minogue…

That’s unfair, good on them for having the guts to declare to the world “I’m going to be a superstar!” I have something to declare too – I’m going to enjoy watching you cry on the TV.

Let’s not forget the brilliant acts too – the ones that come out of nowhere and surprise you, make you hold your breath and fall in love. I look forward to months and months of people emailing their youtube clips to me. Over and over again. Makes a nice change from all those emails from my Russian Brides.

There’s no doubt Adelaide’s Got Talent, but the real question is: does Adelaide Got Umbrellas? It looks like it’s going to bucket down any minute now, and registrations don’t open for another 2 hours. And if the heavens open, it may mean all the performers are a little less dynamic, it does mean the Adelaide episode will look like and ad for the RSPCA shelter.

Not surprisingly, everyone wants to be the next Susan Boyle, who last I heard, spends her days singing into mops at airports. And if you’ve seen the photos, I think Susan’s the one on the left.

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