The Late Night All-Star Comedy Band Thang
The Diplophonics are back! Adelaide comedians provide the backing for guest artists to join us on stage to belt out your favourite songs (until they forget the words and need your help).
This is the first place to find out each night’s lineups!
Saturday nights in the Umbrella Revolution, The Garden Of Unearthly Delights from 12:30 till 2am.
Lineup for Saturday March 12: Mark Trenwith, Alan Anderson, Andrew O’Neil, Koralline Chandler, Christophe Davidson, Danny McGinlay, Janet McLeod, Gordon Southern, Kate Burr, George Kapiniaris, Angus Hodge, Chris Knight, Marcel Lucont, Jenny Wynter
Click the pic for tickets!
I’m performing at the Edinburgh Fringe for the first time ever!
The show includes all of my favourite bits so far, which will make it a really fun show, and also make it very hard to top next year, so see me before I peak!
The show is at 11:30PM August 4-30 in the Turret Room at the Gilded Balloon. You can get tickets here:
or you can find me out and about flyering in the rain.
If you’re here because you’ve come to the show and want to find out more about me, thanks heaps for taking the time, and you might also want to check out my video project at www.tensecseducation.com
Bring it on, Northern Hemisphere!
Jason Chong’s Reel Life is done at the Adelaide Fringe, thanks to everyone who came to see it. It received a Judges Commendation at the Fringe awards which was lovely too.
A big thankyou to everyone involved – especially Kirsty who did heaps of work behind the scenes and pushed a lot of buttons each night, Mark Trenwith who directed me, Justin who was my venue tech, Screamdance for sponsoring me, the Garden of Unearthly Delights for having me, and the City of Holdfast Bay for helping me out with rehearsal space.
G’Day / Ciao / Yiassou / Ni hao / ¡Hola!
I’m joining the Il Dago tour which kicks off really soon on it’s 2010 Australian Tour. The Sydney shows begin on April 8th and the Melbourne shows start on April 28th. Dates for the rest of the country will be added soon.
Il Dago is a multi-award winning show with Joe Avati, Simon Palomares, George Kapiniaris and some guy called Jason Chong will be your MC. I went as a punter to an Il Dago show last time around, and they are huge – and even finish with a bit of opera, for you classy sons-of-goats.
Check www.ildago.com.au for all the dates and details.
It turns out that one of the reasons our children are in an obesity epidemic is because grandparents are over feeding them. So I’m outside my grandmas old house at Hargraeves Rd in Middleton, trying to scam a slice of cake for breakfast.
The study says that grandparents spoil their grandkids with sweets and then are too old to run around with them, which is helping make the kids chubby.
When did this happen? I had a supergran and I never liked visiting her because when we used to go around, the only food on offer was wholemeal toast and after breakfast she’d make me carry around her golf clubs as she played a cheeky 18 holes before a salad lunch. I never realised I could be fleecing the old bat for biscuits.
And even so, I still turned out a nugget. Probably because I had other grandparents who would spoil me rotten. On one side we had nan and pop and on the other side nandos and pop-tarts.
It’s scientific: as we grow up, grandmas shrink, so it gets harder and harder for them to put the biscuit tin our of reach. But that’s just a lack of discipline. I know old people can climb things – I’ve seen heaps of them dancing on tables on Australia’s Funniest Home Video Show.
When I’m grandpa and my grandkids come over, I’m going to tape a chocolate bar to the back of a remote control car, and the little fatties can chase it around the back yard for a while. Actually, when I’m a grandpa, I’ll probably be a bit evil and senile, so I’ll tell them it’s a chocolate bar, but it’ll really be a dog poo. Take that, you chunky monkey! Read More
I’m here in the Ice Arena at Thebarton training my icicles off cos I reckon there’s still time to make the winter olympics team.
Our chances of winning a medal are as good as ever, but unfortunately, that’s pretty much zero, and I reckon we’re going about it the wrong way. Instead of competing at sports that all the other countries have grown up with, we need to make up sports and get them into the Winter Olympics.
So the first event I’m suggesting involves 2 things we’ve all grown up with. Ice skating at the Ice Arena and Jump Rope For Heart.
That’s right, Ice skipping. I’m not sure of the rules or anything, but I do know one thing. It’s just past 7am in the morning, I’ve got my skates on, a skipping rope and I’m about as wobbly as your dad at Christmas.
How many jumps do you reckon I’ll get to before I go belly up? (Turned out that 4 was as good as I got)
I’ll be back a little later this morning with another event – this one involves me, speed and bowling pins.
Well, it’s Valentine’s Day on Sunday and for 95% of the blokes who’ve left it till now, today is the day the panic sets in.
Now, it’s definitely too late to buy her something off eBay, too late to organise something extravagant and too late to save up for something expensive. So all that’s left is to think of something thoughtful, which is my favourite, cos it’s cheap. And God, didn’t I JUST buy her a Christmas present?
If you’re in this boat here are some options you can try. Take her back to he first place you met for a romantic liason. Don’t do this one if you’re 45 year old high school sweethearts.
Dinner and a movie does not mean fish and chips and a DVD at home. There’s a movie out called Valentines Day, the poster says “from the director of Pretty Woman comes a day in the life of love”, so stay away from that steaming pile. Inviticus should be good – it’s 2 hours of rugby, but you can tell her it’s got Matt Damon and Morgan Freeman in it and by the time she figures it out, too late!
And of course you can always write her a song. The easiest thing to do is get a song she’s never heard of, and make it about her. Death metal works quite well every time you hear “Satan”, say her name, which is something you’re probably used to doing anyway.
And if you’re thinking of breaking up with her, do it on Sunday. It might seems cruel now, but in years to come, when her new boyfriend does something incredibly romantic for Valentines Day, she’ll think of you. And cry. Read More
The line for the Australia’s Got Talent auditions goes back so far, I think it ends in 1984.
There are singers and dancers, but the ones I love the most are the crazies, the people who have managed to go their whole life without anyone telling them they’re useless. You know who I’m talking about; unco dancers, tone deaf singers, Danni Minogue…
That’s unfair, good on them for having the guts to declare to the world “I’m going to be a superstar!” I have something to declare too – I’m going to enjoy watching you cry on the TV.
Let’s not forget the brilliant acts too – the ones that come out of nowhere and surprise you, make you hold your breath and fall in love. I look forward to months and months of people emailing their youtube clips to me. Over and over again. Makes a nice change from all those emails from my Russian Brides.
There’s no doubt Adelaide’s Got Talent, but the real question is: does Adelaide Got Umbrellas? It looks like it’s going to bucket down any minute now, and registrations don’t open for another 2 hours. And if the heavens open, it may mean all the performers are a little less dynamic, it does mean the Adelaide episode will look like and ad for the RSPCA shelter.
Not surprisingly, everyone wants to be the next Susan Boyle, who last I heard, spends her days singing into mops at airports. And if you’ve seen the photos, I think Susan’s the one on the left. Read More
One of the best things about school camp was reading the girls’ Dolly Magazines in the back of the bus and taking the relationship tests, even though I’d never had a girlfriend. And now that I’m older and have a wonderful real life human girlfriend, relationship tests scare me to death.
The results of one has come out and it says what we’ve always known – men have no idea about their partners. 1 in 8 don’t know their partner’s eye colour, 10% have no idea when her birthday is and considering how much time we spend all day thinking about it, about a third of us don’t know our partner’s bra size.
Boys, it’s important to know these things about your lady. She is your princess. The vessel into which you pour your love. And how are you supposed to be able to exaggerate to your mates about her if you don’t know where to start?
So do what I do – go through your partner’s stuff. I go through my girlfriend’s handbag regularly. The first thing to look at is her drivers license – it’s got important details like her eye colour, her middle name and how much she’s let herself go since we first met.
And by going through her bag, I realised she smokes these individually wrapped, short, fat cigarettes with a string coming out of them. They must be hard to get too, because there’s all these texts on her phone to her supplier, Markos. She’s clearly addicted, cos the messages are all about how much she wants it now, and then he replies something about how hard it is at the moment, and then she says she’ll do anything and then they agree to meet somewhere.
Knowing this stuff is important – my girlfriend and I share a very special bond, and I’m very in tune with her feelings. For example, I know that if she’s been listening to this, she’s going to be feeling angry, so I want to say it’s all jokes, Lauren. Oh sorry – Kirsty. Read More